
Congratulations. You've found the product that will finally settle the debate between you and your neighbor over who takes their BBQ more seriously. This is a propane-powered handheld flamethrower — and yes, the listing calls it a "cooking torch," but let's be honest about what's happening here. Capable of hitting 3,272°F and blasting up to 700,000 BTUs, this thing doesn't light your charcoal so much as it intimidates it into cooperation. One second of trigger time and your grill is ready. Your eyebrows are negotiable. Officially, it's for searing steaks, caramelizing crème brûlée, melting cheese, and lighting campfires. Unofficially, it's for the kind of person who found a normal lighter deeply unsatisfying. The adjustable flame dial lets you go from "gently toasting" to "incident report" with a single twist. It also works on weeds, snow, candles, cigars, and — according to the listing, with complete sincerity — "arts and crafts projects." The propane tank is not included, presumably because they didn't want to be responsible for all of it.
Buy it (it might be weird)

